smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize