how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
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PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
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You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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