the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
