just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
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2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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