your parents love me but you hate me
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
