That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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