my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
