I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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