apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
sarcasm needs its own font
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
