I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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