so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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