The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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