idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
