I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
