I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
