I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
