So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
