my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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