Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
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