You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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