You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
