some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
