Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
