I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
