I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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