I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
