im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
