Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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