when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
