ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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