I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
