I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
