That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
