Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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