worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
