he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
