after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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