OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
