Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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