i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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