His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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