I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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