I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
