Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
