apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
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Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
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it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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