it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
