you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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