his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
