I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
