She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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