I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
