I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
