I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
