i just wanna soil my oats bro
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
foreskin is a definite game changer
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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