if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
