I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...