ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
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Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
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You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.