Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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