The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
