I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
