I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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