dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
